Pulling into port at Ban Mae Head I could not be more excited. The vastly green Island of Ko Tao rises triumphantly out of the perfect blue sea as I exchange grimey mainland for paradise. The Sun sits high in the sky like an all encompassing god as an incredible 360 degree rainbow forms around Him. As if his presence needed any more emphasis. Its fucking roasting. Exhausted cabin crew remove the bags of giddy travelers from the ferry to shore and I maraud inland in the incredible heat. The landscape is undoubtedly beautiful. Jagged rocks pierce the ocean like meteors that have fallen from space. Palm trees lining the white beach look as though they've been cherry picked for an episode of Hawaii 5 0. It is astonishingly picturesque. However once away from the coast it becomes apparent that this place may not be as quintessentially idyllic as first thought.
I check into my hostel and decide to roam the Sairee Bay area which at first glance looks like your typical 18-30 holiday resort in Europe, give or take a few exotic birds. An abundance of Seven Eleven's and recently made metallic and concrete shops litter the perfectly paved roads. This specific area is as polished as a Lance Corporal's boots. I head down to my hostel's pool area and if it weren't for the occasional Thai person passing on a motorbike I would have thought I were in Majorca.
The bad shade brigade are out in force, replica Oakley's all around, and their leader, the proud 'Davy Jones', manager/owner of the pool bar, aka Cockney wanker, swans around like the cat who got the cream. Davy is well past it, but still playing the lad. He has obviously jumped on the tourist gravy chain which has engulfed the area in the last ten years and setup shop, probably getting sucked off by a plethora of Lady Boys along the way. The old fool. I listen to another ex-pat with some of the worst tattoos I've ever seen, talk about his 'design for life' with a cringe worthy, cackling American hanging on his every word. He speaks of 'risk and reward', of 'he who dares'... all about his seven years out here basically. Another gargantuan twat. A little later I walk down to a beach bar where I encounter one of the worst singer songwriters conceivable. The baldy idiot has so far played Snow Patrol, David Gray and The Fray... somebody please shoot him, he is an embarrassment to all musicians. However things are soon to improve...
Over the coming days, I manage to explore the less populated, delightful surrounding bays of Shark and Mango. Ninety five percent of the economy is brought in through tourism but its nice to see that some areas remain pristine. I've also met a Russian/Californian girl in my hostel who is really cool, somebody I would most definitely knock about with back home. We've forged a union with other people staying in our dorm and everyone is so friendly and nice; we've been slaughtered for 3 days. I've been reveling in the booze, indulging in buckets that are widely available here, which are essentially as they sound... large buckets of alcohol. There's one cheap brand of vodka aptly named 'Black Cock'. I feel like I've been anally savaged by a Negro gentleman every time I drink it. The mix of people I have encountered is so refreshing. Our group consists of an Australian architect, a Russian fashion student, a film maker (myself), two high school teachers and a bunch of students. Meeting such an assorted blend of individuals is what this is all about, I guess.
Every day men and women head to the beach for some kind of aquatic activity, be it snorkeling, scuba-diving or just a paddle at the sea front, and every night those same people arrive at the beach drinking in the cool ocean breeze under an umbrella of twinkling stars. It is pretty cool. It's undoubtedly fun here, lots to do and boozy. Although I'm considering this my vacation before the real back packing adventure begins. Ko Tao is a holiday in the most conventional sense and an excellent one at that. It's child friendly here and safe but as a back packer destination essentially flawed. Come here and enjoy it for what it is, a beach break, just don't expect to find yourself in 'The Beach' (Danny Boyle's 2000 film of daring tropical adventure), it just isn't like that here anymore, even on Ko Tao, the less built up of the islands. Once you get over your pretentious conceptions, your going to have an excellent time.
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