Antics

You've just left the club, still completely out of your head and wholly exhilarated. With pounding electronic sounds still ringing in your ears you head into the night, that witching hour chill bites at your skin which holds the sweat worked up on the dance floor an hour before. Your now heading to an after party, reflecting effusively about the night that was, exasperated, off your tits, enjoying the brief respite before the explicit shenanigan's resume.

We've all been there. If you haven't you've missed out. Weekend narcotic antics can be incredible. When its good it is savagely entertaining. The general idea is to take the brain to places its never been before, on a contorted roller-coaster ride through the depths of your emotional and spiritual being. For your average recreational drug taker, to get fucked at the weekend is to leave real life behind. Responsibilities, self expectation's, external pressures, see you later. Partying is about hedonistic self indulgence. It means forgetting about everything other than the intense drug revelry which lies ahead; the peculiar yarns, the all consuming revelations, the new modes of thought; much of which will be regrettably forgotten in the morning.

It is easy to become enamoured with such activity and to consider whole heartedly hurling yourself into the movement. Partying demands a 'fuck it' attitude which is attractive to most people as it feels good to fuck things off once in a while. When attending a rave, a festival or a debauched house party, you are socialising directly with people who hold your slightly rebellious, I reiterate slightly rebellious, perspective. If only for a night you belong and what your doing is fine as it is justified by the presence of your fellow revelers. Your all in it together. When big weekend's become the spectacles of your life you needn't pay much attention to other things going on because the frivolity at these events will be so good, everything else is merely filler. My question is when does drug taking and partying stop being about briefly departing your existence, and actually become your existence?

Drug taking for me has always been about escapism, a means of leaving my over analytical and self conscious persona behind and going mad for a night/weekend/week. When I go for it I really can fly. However I have always known since my first foray into this world, that I have to return to the realm of the living eventually and I have no problem with that…I enjoy my working life and other aspects of my social existence. However a lot of people immersed in drug culture struggle to strike a balance. Hitting big nights, hard, becomes seemingly the only ambition; smashing it becomes all that really matters. On the one hand I admire this sybaritic attitude, it is true libertarianism, definitely brave and it can have a spiritual merit also if your on a crusade to ignore societal structures and tear away from convention. However on the other hand I think, what the fuck are you doing?

Perhaps I'm being a bit square here but to hold drug taking as your primary recreation is a bad idea. Championing it as your main source of enjoyment, as your main interest, as the icon of your existence, is even worse. In doing so you are ironically inverting the associated suppositions of 'getting fucked', and turning it into something boring, customary and inane. Sitting in your mates living room every friday night shovelling ket is not 'right on'. Its a bit lame. It is also worth noting that there are things other than unadulterated jouissance to ponder when contemplating your happiness. Job satisfaction? Good relationships? Health? Personal success? Inner peace? Smashing it every weekend simply doesn't lend itself to any of these pursuits apart from if your in a niche creative industry maybe. However the majority of drug takers in society right now aren't budding Mick Jagger's. They are office clerks, receptionists and civil servants. They are weekend rockstars. Serious recreational drug taking is encompassing and antics do not stay the domain of the weekend however. If your on it Friday, Saturday and into Sunday it is the following Wednesday before you are back to anything like form, then before you know it, its Friday again and your going back for more.

Drug taking for Average Joe is borne out of apathy with day to day living, perhaps boredom in employment or an immediate lack of prospects. However once a person is fully immersed with a drug orientated sub culture because of domestic disinterest, it becomes difficult to make changes in ones life away from the party scene as the physical and mental impact of getting off your barnet is heavy. You expend so much energy at the weekend blitzing it, the week becomes more about coping and recovery and thus no substantial changes ever materialise in other areas of a bean-head's life in order to attain, dare I say it, real satisfaction.

Getting out of your head every weekend doesn't come recommended, as Ian Brown put it, its a 'Fools Gold'. However despite what law enforcers say Class A's can be incorporated into a person's life without complete detriment, just like other, legal vices such as drinking alcohol, smoking and gambling. Of course it can. Just go easy on it, let the strange subterranean place one goes to when incredibly high, remain just that...a place that you go to...not a place that you permanently occupy. It's no fun when you have to stay there. Don't treasure recreational drug use as the answer to your mundane problems, and don't put your faith in it, as there is no utopia waiting for you at the end of the party. I get the feeling there are some bad comedowns lying ahead for the buzzing generation.

The art of existence

Anybody that tells you life is a chore is an idiot. Of course life can be a 'bitch', as you may have read on a god awful t-shirt at some point. It can be sad and cruel, real fucking ugly sometimes, but there is so much richness also, to be embraced and experienced, if people would only look for it.

Some people are genuinely unable to enjoy life's riches to a degree because of circumstance; be it illness, poverty, or some other injustice. For the severely unfortunate, life can be extremely trying I imagine. Take Fritzl's daughter for example; now that is what you call a raw deal. However the vast majority of men and women don't have such problems to contend with. It seems to me that there are people who actively choose a life of drudgery. Plenty of folk accept mediocrity; or worse in some cases; making themselves content with a gritty, often foul tasting realism. I'm not saying that we all should pretend we're awoken by butterflies in the morning, or that the world is even a nice place. But circumstances must be contended with and I firmly believe there are opportunities for happiness all around us, there to be reached for.

'Life is what you make of it' is an old adage, with a large degree of truth to it if you ask me. I don't want this BLOG to resemble something penned by Dr Phil but sometimes you need to think about these old sayings and process them in order to appreciate the rhetoric. How can a person expect to find real happiness if they never go looking for it? Unless you live on the Cococabana of course (you'd be a fool not to be happy around all those big Brazillian arses). I look around here and I see a lot of frustrated faces; grotty teenage mums pushing prams about, labourers tired from long exhausting days, old people cursing themselves for not fulfilling dreams. I feel sorry for them man but they only have themselves to blame. They should have made more of an effort. I reckon that most people who are unhappy, which is a significant number, could lead rich, fulfilled lives, if they just tried harder to make themselves happy. For me its all about having the right mindset and being decisive, and not waiting for your real life to begin.

It may take a momentous effort to find happiness; an emigration say, or a bold professional leap. In other cases happiness may not be as far away as first anticipated. Either way, it needs to be seeked out. Happiness is not something that happens all by itself. It needs to be constantly worked for, and when found constantly worked at, attended to frequently like a pristine bowling green. People who stay put in bad circumstances make me want to flush my own head down the toilet. Why don't you just leave that dick of a boyfriend? Quit that shitty job? Move to that new city? Do what is required to make your life better and more enjoyable, don't just wait there like a fool for something or somebody to come and save you. Nine out of ten times it wont happen.

The prized cultural theorist Michele Foucault described an 'art of existence' in one of his final interviews, suggesting that life should be viewed as a canvas for the individual to paint upon. What an outlook. Living should be a creative process where each day is viewed as an opportunity to enjoy, and better oneself. Read that book, buy that jacket, take that course. It is important to try new things in order to develop as a person. Why not view your life as a work of art; get imaginative. Better than viewing your life as a battle for survival.

Life is too short to regularly do things that you don't want to, too short to spend time with people you don't like, too short to be someone you don't want to be. Too many people seem incapable, or unwilling, or even worse, scared to resist the lives that have been presented to them, often local lives of little meaning or significance. I realise that not all of us can be professional mavericks or social bonvivant's. Toilets are always going to need cleaning, buses will always need driving. I get that. But it seems people fall into the doldrum's without so much as a yelp. It's as though people get to a certain age and believe themselves to be powerless to change things. They miss the starting gun and give up.

In correlation with Foucault's positive thinking, Oscar Wilde spoke of the individual's ability to recreate himself, and of the possibilities of self creation. His writings suggest that people can basically become whatever they want; so long as they develop and apply themselves they can transgress. Good news for all you bin men out there. If life is indeed a chore at the moment make it not so, because it doesn't have to be. Living is not something to be endured.

It may be that your endeavours turn out to be in vain, you may not succeed as you had hoped, your dreams may not come true. However there is definitely happiness to be found in pursuit. It may be a small change that enlightens you; the purchase of a camera; volunteering at a charity shop; the joining of a book club. If you feel seriously down trodden and think the world needs to change and not you, read into politics, become an activist, go protest. The possibilities are genuinely endless.

Don't be a passenger in your own life and let fine experiences pass you by because you don't feel your 'such' a type of person to do 'it', or that 'something' isn't 'you'. All instincts and inclinations should be seriously considered. Why not take some time to think about what it is that is going to make you happy? Then act accordingly. I guess its a question of whether you are content with your life. But if your reading this and it sounds painfully familiar, to the point where tears are making the letters on your keyboard stick together...well then I feel sorry for you. You must realise that currently you are not living at all, you are merely existing.

Things I hate...

I hate many things. I hate it when a pen runs out and it doesn't get thrown in the bin. I hate goatees. I hate liars. People who lie about what they have, what they don't have, about things they've done and things they haven't done. I hate falseness in general. I hate shit telly; cooking shows with boring ass chefs, 'Cash in the Attic' especially, where people sell all their cool stuff for like £600, and rubbish quiz shows with easy questions and presenters with impossibly white teeth. Some times its okay though. I hate it when things that should work don't; computers, toasters, pencil sharpeners. These small failures irritate me something terrible. I hate it when buses come early (they come early more frequently than you would think) and I really hate it when people are late and make me wait (although it must be stated that I'm the late one most of the time). I hate baths that are too hot, bad breath, especially turkey breath, and when my pint is pulled without a head. I hate it when Liverpool lose and Manchester United win, but I hate the fact I'm meant to hate people from Manchester? I hate Christian Evangelists. They scare me a hell of a lot. I hate all religious extremists for that matter. I consider religious people to be mentally ill to some degree.

I hate racism, its just completely dumb and archaic. I hate cheap profiteroles. I hate microwaved meals and tinned sweetcorn. People are lazy man. I hate biting my lip, literally and figuratively, ill fitting suites and rudeness. I hate people who profess to have a passion for something, but actually enjoy the image associated with said thing, more than the thing itself. I hate followers. Followers of trends, scenes, fashions. Unless they really have a love for the trends that they're following of course. This isn't usually the case though. I hate standing on plugs. I hate the fact that I still avoid standing on cracks in the pavement. I'm 22 and not superstitious at all, why do I still do this? I hate Uri Gellar, Benny Hinn and Richard Littlejohn. I also hate Ben Fogel, the big, smug prick. Although my mum tells me he's actually alright on Countryfile.

I hate it that people think its cool not to read. They cannot be for real, can they? I hate politicians that lie all the time. I hate boring girls that have no interests and wear too much make-up. Why do they think it is attractive to be stupid? It really isn't. I hate unambitious, unadventurous people. I hate people who make judgements without finding out for themselves. I hate narrow mindedness. I hate it when people are tight, and people who are negative...all the time. I hate shaved eyebrows on men, and when people wear glasses and don't medically need them. Whats that all about? I hate pretentiousness. I also hate overly branded clothing, especially the Louis Vitton pattern. Revolting. I hate Abercrombie and Fitch, All Saints and Cult. Terrible clothing outlets. However I simultaneously hate that people judge others based on the clothes they wear. Very superficial. I hate it when people say that Eastenders is better than Coronation Street.

I hate it that traffic wardens operate on commission, that John Lennon died when he did, and dust. Dust makes me sneeze. I hate that the majority of people don't care about stuff like politics, history or the environment, but they really care about something their sisters boyfriend may or may not have said about them last week. I hate it when old people think they're right because they're older. Older definitely doesn't mean wiser. I hate it when the timetable at the bus stop has been defaced, or completely removed for that matter. I hate it when fungus has grown on a perfectly good looking block of cheese and men who own big horrible dogs. Just because your dog is hard doesn't mean you are mate. I hate silver service. I hate formalities. I hate the fact that there are no answers in life; just questions. However I love this mysteriousness in equal measure. I hate wasting time, I hate hamsters, I hate onions. I hate it when people get on the train without first letting you off. Wankers. I hate it when liberals are so left with their ideas that they are no longer in the real world. I hate corruption. I hate war. I hate corrupt war. Is there any other kind though? I hate the thought of spiders crawling up my leg when I' in bed. I hate the way I always misplace train tickets, and keys. Argh, I hate so many things.

But most of all, more than anything else, I hate the fact I have to die one day, and that I wont be able to hate anything anymore.